I did it, it went by so fast but as of 2 weeks ago I graduated. I moved into Meg's yesterday. I am lost for words right now. All I know is I had so much on my mind and just wanted to let it all out but now there is a block. I don't want to talk about being scared.Even though I am. I don't want to talk about being poor.

Today I volunteered for School of TDT's show. Really random of me. But a lady (whom sat at the panel at the TDT Company Auditions) looked at me and said "you were at the auditions" and I said yes, she told me I needed some more contemporary training, and I said I just graduated from GB and that we do a lot of ballet, and she said I know. Then told me I should think about their summer camp. Long story short, I am freaking out! Did I make an ass of myself at that audition, and I still have a long way to go? OR does she see potential it's just 2 modern classes a week isn't enough training?

Regaurdless I need more training. Great to hear right after I graduated.

So confused.
I am going to take a class tomorrow I don't care how broke I am.

Anyways the summer begins! Please give me a job someone!

Try and stay awake.

Is there such thing as memory sick? I miss the past.

If so, that's what I am. I miss the summer, the way spring feels, adventures with Scott. I know I am sort of on one with him right now, but instead of concentrating it around fun, it's just reality. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it's my reading week, I want some fun?

I can't wait till the cold is over, and I can't wait till the lump in my throat leaves. I need to get out of the house that's all.

25 Days later...

So far so good, it seems so natural to have Scott here. Time is flying by faster than I could have ever imagined. I don't have to do a seemingly endless count down of days anymore. For now at least. Money seems to be at an issue, and time together is not less meaningful, but it's just there and it's nice and comfortable and relaxing.

We are used to cramming everything into a week. A power couple that can cram two months worth of dates into a week, it's our specialty.

Other than that, I graduate in 8 weeks? Holy shit. So many things I want to do. I want to dance so bad, does anyone understand how much I just want to dance. My interviews with my teachers were all too good to be true, I never really told anyone to detail what they said, other than my mom and Scott. They all think I can do Europe. Me?? Europe, this is actually something I can do? They think I have a shot. And as much as this should be slightly comforting, it isn't. I just really want to dance.

I'm on reading week, hopefully I can get up the courage to take a drop in class one of these days this week. They make me so nervous the first time, why isn't Harbor here?!?!? I miss Vancouver. I'm working full time hours, I need the money. I can't really stand nothing occupying my day anyways. I mean what is that? DJD's audition in a couple weeks, I don't really know if I like their stuff, not really what I have seen on YouTube anyways. But you know it's worth a shot, audition experience and stuff.


And I hope I get into TDT THIS SUMMER!
Anyways I better go kiss my really cute boyfriend.

Love life!

So I can see my baby tonight.

It's Feb 1.

Holy shit.

The Virgins

I had a fun weekend, I never did audition for Footloose, I realized I need to chill out and not put too much on my plate. I hope this was the right choice, I dunno I haven't even graduated yet you know?

But like I said, really fun weekend. Saturday night was a bit intimidating but I am glad I went.

Scott is here in 5 days!

751

This month is winding down to an end, and change is about to happen. Scott comes in six days. Six days! It doesn't feel real yet.
This is the second audition I have had to turn down, I realized that the show dates for the most recent audition my agent sent me conflicts with tech run for my showcase. I am scared I am putting too much on my plate while I'm in school, but at the same time, I want the ball to be rolling. An audition for Footloose is tomorrow, I registered, but now I am having second thought because it doesn't pay and it's 6 hours of rehearsal every Sunday which runs back to back with HoneyKats. Plus I wouldn't be able to work. But the experience would be awesome! I just don't think I could do that to Kat, I feel so torn! And I don't want to tire myself out I have to graduate still! I'm just scared the opportunities won't come back around.
I love Toronto sometimes though. I decided last night. I went out with Megan, Megan L, Michelle and Emma and we went to some party at an art gallery and then a show and then dancing. There's just stuff going on you know. Plus all the dance and modeling opportunity is quite greater than it is in a place like Calgary.
But I don't know what to do? Audition or not?! I wish someone would make the choice for me.

Anyways I have rehearsal tonight, and I need to get ready. Scott comes in six days! His going away Kegger was last night, I wish I could have been there so bad. I love him so much, I can't wait to look into his eyes and just see him smile. Such a nice smile. And don't even get me started on his hugs. I get his hugs every day now. Please make it go well.

You're the boss apple sauce.

Dance Ontario was today, it went well. I was upset with the first reaction I got. You know, it shouldn't matter, I had a lot of fun and I should be very happy. I guess I'm a little out of sorts today.

There really is no need for the Portuguese people to be stomping around and 12:30 in the morning. I hate this house, no I don't but it's not the same. I talked to Emma about the big room, looks like it's a no go she said she'd think about it. And you know what, that's fine. Either way it goes someone is going to be bitter. I just hope it's all OK, everything felt like it was crumbling with Emma today. I was very irritable towards her. I guilt her so much for never being home. I can't help it. I'm going to stop it's none of my business and I don't blame her. I'd do the same, who wants to sit around in a cold house with no TV when you have a boyfriend? Fuck, I would see Scott every second. I'm sorry Emma, I don't mean to be so cold sometimes. I'm jealous but my time will come soon.

My stomach has been twisted and on fire all week.

Laura said my show was too far, Scott didn't call to say good luck and Emma forgot what time it was at. Then I sat at home and moped all evening long basically. I'm so ashamed when I act this way. But Steph came, she didn't like it and Meg, Christie and Jenny too, which was awesome of them.

I'm going to wake up not feeling like this tomorrow morning.

Benadryl

I hate saying no to things, I feel like I have had to turn a lot of things down lately, even though it's only 3. Usually I try and do everything all at once no matter how crazy it makes me, so I'm trying something new and saying sorry maybe not this time. Damn it. I had to turn down an audition and super-ing for Ballet Jorgen. But the second one doesn't really bother me all that much. The audition just would have been super stressful and I would have had two hours to get ready for it, take the ttc to it, have the audition then take the ttc to HoneyKats rehearsal. Probably wouldn't go smooth.
Kenzie girl, I hope you are happier back in Calgary. I'll miss you here, even though we never had the time to hang out often enough.
Sorry for not seeing you tonight Laura, things are chaotic this week, except not. Just things aren't going as planned maybe.
Sometimes I feel really happy with what I am doing. Having an academic class mushed into all the dancing really makes me realize it. I don't have to sit it a desk. If I can make it, I will not have to sit in a desk as a career. I can't sit in a desk. Stephen's class also makes me in love with life, I just look around and everyone is so happy in his class. My first rehearsal with Kathleen is tomorrow, I wonder how that will be?
The On the Move conference is in two weeks, I am kind of excited, I forget if I have booked it off work yet?? Work is going to hate me.
Christine asked me if I was taking the working abroad class, I wonder why she asked?

Well this little pink pill is starting to make me sleepy.

Dance Ontario in 3 days. AH! I'm scared.

Driftwood

Stress was kind of at high levels for a bit today, tentitivley a second cheque bounced so far this month. How am I so stupid? This week is where things really kick into high gear, showcase rehearsals start, Dance Ontario is also this weekend. I'm so nervous and excited at the same time.
This year I'm trying to be as social as I usually am, cause sometimes in Toronto I kind of give up for some reason. Maybe prospects of Scott joining me makes it easier to go about my days. Only a matter of time now.
They really stink downstairs, and bang around so loudly, enough said. I really wish Emma would offer the big room to Scott and I. How is it fair splitting rent into three equally, when Scott and I share the small room? I don't know, I'm so bad at confrontation. I don't really have anything interesting to say. Went out twice this weekend, it was pretty fun, nice to get out. I guess I better get to bed, I have dress rehearsal tomorrow morning, I have to miss my dance classes for it. Oh well.

When are you coming Skish?
Please make it good.

1 minute is practically a lifetime darling.

I can't sleep, because it's only 1am? I'm going to try and blog more this year, I really want to look back and see how everything was you know? I want to remember everything. I can't sleep cause school starts up again tomorrow, and there's a million things racing through my mind. What pieces I'll get in, what it will be like when Scott's here in bed with me.

The thought of it makes me feel fabulous.

I just hope this next step we are taking is a smart one. I think it is. I feel like it will be. He's really amazing. I'm so jealous of all those glamorous girls that have been famous for doing practically nothing. Why can't that be me?? I'm 19, time is running out. And everyone thinks I'm 21. This is no good.

Here goes my last semester guys. I'll see you on the other side.

We are the sleepyheads

I'm back to that familiar first day, in an empty apartment with pangs of loneliness. Why is it that Emma is always the second to come home.

I had an amazing time with you this holiday Scott. It didn't matter you were in Mexico for a week of it, the time we spent was quality. And I guess they say quality is better than quantity. You're just so cute, I keep flashing back to those smiling blue eyes hiding behind the sheets in your bed. That's really the best you know, just laying in bed with you.

Well here's to 2008, the year that is supposed to rejuvinate me.

And those people that live below me are rude and were not very happy to see me come in this morning. Maybe common sense doesn't come easy to them, you know, not having all your doors open if oyu don't want to be exposed?? Anyways I better go shower. Come home please Emma.