I did it, it went by so fast but as of 2 weeks ago I graduated. I moved into Meg's yesterday. I am lost for words right now. All I know is I had so much on my mind and just wanted to let it all out but now there is a block. I don't want to talk about being scared.Even though I am. I don't want to talk about being poor.

Today I volunteered for School of TDT's show. Really random of me. But a lady (whom sat at the panel at the TDT Company Auditions) looked at me and said "you were at the auditions" and I said yes, she told me I needed some more contemporary training, and I said I just graduated from GB and that we do a lot of ballet, and she said I know. Then told me I should think about their summer camp. Long story short, I am freaking out! Did I make an ass of myself at that audition, and I still have a long way to go? OR does she see potential it's just 2 modern classes a week isn't enough training?

Regaurdless I need more training. Great to hear right after I graduated.

So confused.
I am going to take a class tomorrow I don't care how broke I am.

Anyways the summer begins! Please give me a job someone!

Try and stay awake.

Is there such thing as memory sick? I miss the past.

If so, that's what I am. I miss the summer, the way spring feels, adventures with Scott. I know I am sort of on one with him right now, but instead of concentrating it around fun, it's just reality. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it's my reading week, I want some fun?

I can't wait till the cold is over, and I can't wait till the lump in my throat leaves. I need to get out of the house that's all.

25 Days later...

So far so good, it seems so natural to have Scott here. Time is flying by faster than I could have ever imagined. I don't have to do a seemingly endless count down of days anymore. For now at least. Money seems to be at an issue, and time together is not less meaningful, but it's just there and it's nice and comfortable and relaxing.

We are used to cramming everything into a week. A power couple that can cram two months worth of dates into a week, it's our specialty.

Other than that, I graduate in 8 weeks? Holy shit. So many things I want to do. I want to dance so bad, does anyone understand how much I just want to dance. My interviews with my teachers were all too good to be true, I never really told anyone to detail what they said, other than my mom and Scott. They all think I can do Europe. Me?? Europe, this is actually something I can do? They think I have a shot. And as much as this should be slightly comforting, it isn't. I just really want to dance.

I'm on reading week, hopefully I can get up the courage to take a drop in class one of these days this week. They make me so nervous the first time, why isn't Harbor here?!?!? I miss Vancouver. I'm working full time hours, I need the money. I can't really stand nothing occupying my day anyways. I mean what is that? DJD's audition in a couple weeks, I don't really know if I like their stuff, not really what I have seen on YouTube anyways. But you know it's worth a shot, audition experience and stuff.


And I hope I get into TDT THIS SUMMER!
Anyways I better go kiss my really cute boyfriend.

Love life!

So I can see my baby tonight.

It's Feb 1.

Holy shit.

The Virgins

I had a fun weekend, I never did audition for Footloose, I realized I need to chill out and not put too much on my plate. I hope this was the right choice, I dunno I haven't even graduated yet you know?

But like I said, really fun weekend. Saturday night was a bit intimidating but I am glad I went.

Scott is here in 5 days!

751

This month is winding down to an end, and change is about to happen. Scott comes in six days. Six days! It doesn't feel real yet.
This is the second audition I have had to turn down, I realized that the show dates for the most recent audition my agent sent me conflicts with tech run for my showcase. I am scared I am putting too much on my plate while I'm in school, but at the same time, I want the ball to be rolling. An audition for Footloose is tomorrow, I registered, but now I am having second thought because it doesn't pay and it's 6 hours of rehearsal every Sunday which runs back to back with HoneyKats. Plus I wouldn't be able to work. But the experience would be awesome! I just don't think I could do that to Kat, I feel so torn! And I don't want to tire myself out I have to graduate still! I'm just scared the opportunities won't come back around.
I love Toronto sometimes though. I decided last night. I went out with Megan, Megan L, Michelle and Emma and we went to some party at an art gallery and then a show and then dancing. There's just stuff going on you know. Plus all the dance and modeling opportunity is quite greater than it is in a place like Calgary.
But I don't know what to do? Audition or not?! I wish someone would make the choice for me.

Anyways I have rehearsal tonight, and I need to get ready. Scott comes in six days! His going away Kegger was last night, I wish I could have been there so bad. I love him so much, I can't wait to look into his eyes and just see him smile. Such a nice smile. And don't even get me started on his hugs. I get his hugs every day now. Please make it go well.

You're the boss apple sauce.

Dance Ontario was today, it went well. I was upset with the first reaction I got. You know, it shouldn't matter, I had a lot of fun and I should be very happy. I guess I'm a little out of sorts today.

There really is no need for the Portuguese people to be stomping around and 12:30 in the morning. I hate this house, no I don't but it's not the same. I talked to Emma about the big room, looks like it's a no go she said she'd think about it. And you know what, that's fine. Either way it goes someone is going to be bitter. I just hope it's all OK, everything felt like it was crumbling with Emma today. I was very irritable towards her. I guilt her so much for never being home. I can't help it. I'm going to stop it's none of my business and I don't blame her. I'd do the same, who wants to sit around in a cold house with no TV when you have a boyfriend? Fuck, I would see Scott every second. I'm sorry Emma, I don't mean to be so cold sometimes. I'm jealous but my time will come soon.

My stomach has been twisted and on fire all week.

Laura said my show was too far, Scott didn't call to say good luck and Emma forgot what time it was at. Then I sat at home and moped all evening long basically. I'm so ashamed when I act this way. But Steph came, she didn't like it and Meg, Christie and Jenny too, which was awesome of them.

I'm going to wake up not feeling like this tomorrow morning.