I am not sure I can even talk about this anymore. I feel like I am investing my life in nothing. I am pulling 12 hour days at dance. I am not even kidding. Is everything I am learning useless? Did I move half way acorss the country away from my boyfriend just to find out I can't make it in the career I have invested my whole left into. Well practically anyways, since I was capable of having SOME cordination.
No.
I can't think this.
My show is in two weeks, I don't even have a moment for my mind to go blank, it's dance and singing and lyrics and steps and lifts and relaxing and getting enough sleep, icing my body, eating, trying to talk to scott, a social life and all those wonderful things.
It's so lame of me. I am the biggest baby. But I made it through this week. I went to every class, every rehearsal and I worked my ass off for the most part. Who else can say that in my program. I am still un noticed it seems. I just can't stop thinking. I want to turn my brain off.

Little girls dream for this life, or for the opportunity of a life I could have if I make it. And I am sitting here bawling. I'm just snapping and I don't know how to fix it or where to go to, my body hurts and I am tired and I am sick of complainging so much but it's the only social contact I feel capable of. Hey guys listen to how tired I am.
Fuck it.